I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
