I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
