Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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