one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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