I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
