We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
