Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
