I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
