..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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