I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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