Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
