Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
