those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
where am i from again
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
