the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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