U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
