Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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