; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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