Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
