my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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