just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
