If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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