I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
