Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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