Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
