I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Someone signed my nipple.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
