I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
