I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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