Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
