How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
