Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
