dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
