Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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