I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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