P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
