i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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