Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
