There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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