Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
