it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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