I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
