Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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