one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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