I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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