this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
