When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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