This girl is more easily done than said...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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