I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
