Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
