the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
