Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
